dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
