so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
