I didn't shave. On purpose
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
