Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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