She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
