i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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