he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
