Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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