I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
