you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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