I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
