i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
