We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
