this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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