Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
