i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
