Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
