Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
