my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
