I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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