just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
