Pants 0. Shit 1.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
