I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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