Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize