ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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