the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
