i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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