just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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