She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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