Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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