Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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