nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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