I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
