Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
