he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
