Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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