He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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