dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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