oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
