I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
