Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize