I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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