my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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