i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
