I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Someone came in the potted fern
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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