I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
