there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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