I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
