At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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