We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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