she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
