so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
