one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
