i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
