I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
