She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
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At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
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I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
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