I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
