So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
