Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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